


definitely a level-headed reaction

by MermaidMarie



Series: not temporary to me [1]
Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Disaster Gay Langa, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Injury, Jealousy, M/M, Slowburn? No, speedrun, technically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29818797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MermaidMarie/pseuds/MermaidMarie
Summary: “Oh shit,” Reki said, stumbling. “Play along.”“What—” Before Langa could finish asking, Reki had leaned into his side and grabbed his hand, laughing like they’d been having a completely different conversation.-In which Langa and Reki run into Reki's ex, Reki asks Langa to pretend they're together, and Langa has some realizations.
Relationships: Hasegawa Langa/Kyan Reki
Series: not temporary to me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2201661
Comments: 63
Kudos: 1282
Collections: Sk8 fics!!!





	definitely a level-headed reaction

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a patient person.  
> I'm taking a few liberties with how S works because, like, honestly, how does S work? That's not what's important here.

Reki was talking, animated and bright, his hands moving as he explained his latest thoughts about what they could do to make Langa’s board better.

Langa was half listening, half just watching Reki as he talked. Langa’s mind didn’t move like Reki’s did, a mile a minute, but he was content to be there for whatever ideas and tangents Reki started to explore, changing tracks mid-sentence with some frequency. Even when Langa didn’t understand what Reki was saying at all, he liked hearing him talk.

They hadn’t been skating for all that long before they had to head back to Reki’s, because the wheel of Langa’s board had gotten jammed.

Reki’s rambling stalled out abruptly.

“Oh shit,” Reki said, stumbling. “Play along.”

“What—” Before Langa could finish asking, Reki had leaned into his side and grabbed his hand, laughing like they’d been having a completely different conversation.

Langa stiffened, confused. He had no idea what Reki was doing, or what he was meant to _play along_ with, and if he were being honest with himself, he couldn’t focus on much of anything other than the feeling of Reki’s fingers entwined with his.

“Jules!” Reki exclaimed, smiling brightly ahead of them. “Dude, you’re in town? I didn’t know that.”

Langa realized that he was still staring at Reki, trying to catch up to what was happening, so he hadn’t even noticed they’d almost run right into someone on the sidewalk. With effort, he pulled his gaze away from Reki to look at that guy they’d come to a stop in front of.

Langa half-expected him to be some classmate of theirs or someone from S, but he didn’t recognize the guy at all. He looked about their age, dark hair and eyes, and he was smiling warmly at Reki.

“Yeah, only for a few days,” the guy said, and Langa caught the slight accent in his voice. He couldn’t place where it was from. “I thought about texting you, but…”

“Well, it’s so cool to see you!” Reki said, and for once, his enthusiasm seemed a little forced. He glanced quickly at Langa and there was pleading in his gaze. “Uh, sorry, I should introduce, um—yeah, this is Jules. Jules, this is Langa. My, um, boyfriend.”

His _what?_

“Oh, cool,” Jules said. He turned his gaze to Langa, smile dimmed in warmth but still friendly enough. “Nice to meet you.”

“Right, yeah,” Langa said. “Nice… to meet you, too.”

Should he say something? What was he supposed to do? Reki was gripping his hand so hard it was starting to hurt a little. _Play along,_ he’d said. Langa just stayed quiet and kept still, like maybe if he didn’t move, he wouldn’t draw attention to himself and have to figure out how to act.

“Well, we were on our way to something, so—” Reki started.

“Wait, um—” Jules said. “Are you going to be at S tonight? I thought I’d go.”

“Yeah, we’ll be there,” Reki said. He lifted his arm that was still wrapped from the last time he’d gotten injured. “I won’t be racing, though.”

“What about you?” Jules said, directing the question to Langa.

“I don’t know,” Langa replied. The longer this conversation went on, he felt like he knew less, in general.

“Guess we’ll see,” Reki said. He tugged at Langa’s hand. “We really should get going, though. Nice to see you!”

Reki practically dragged Langa away, shooting a smile and a wave back at Jules.

“See you tonight, then!” Jules said, waving back.

As they rounded the corner and got out of sight, Reki sped up. He stopped holding Langa’s hand, only to grip his forearm instead. Langa was still trying to process whatever had just happened, and Reki seemed to think they needed to race all the way back to his house like they were being chased, so Langa just let himself be pulled along.

They got to Reki’s workshop and Langa waited for him to explain. He didn’t. He just took Langa’s board and flipped it over onto the table, examining the wheel that needed to be fixed. Langa wasn’t sure if he was _avoiding_ eye contact or if he was just distracted.

“Um…” Langa started, hoping Reki would just _say something._

“Hm?” Reki replied without looking up.

Okay. Well. Apparently, Langa did have to ask directly.

“What just happened?” Langa said flatly.

Reki let out a small, nervous laugh. “Yeah, sorry about that,” he said.

“But what _was_ that?” Langa pressed.

Reki didn’t quite wince, but it was something adjacent to that. There’d been times when Reki got reluctant to share or embarrassed about something, but Langa had mostly noticed that when he was around his family and his mom or sisters started talk about what he’d been like as a kid. This was a little different, though Langa was struggling to put his finger on it.

“Right…” Reki said with a stifled sigh. He glanced up fleetingly and offered a quick smile before gluing his eyes back to the board. He wasn’t even working to fix the wheel—his hands had gone still. “That was, um. My ex?”

“Your ex,” Langa echoed blankly.

“Yeah, uh, he… Well. He was a French exchange student at our school last year. It was never serious, because, like, we knew he was going back home soon. Pretty clear expiration date, y’know?” Reki rubbed the back of his neck, looking past Langa towards the door, like he was calculating whether he could run and get out. Langa shifted. He wasn’t above blocking the exit if Reki was going to try and be avoidant.

“Okay,” Langa said slowly. “But… why—”

Reki met his gaze briefly before looking away again. The reluctance was so clear that Langa almost felt bad for pressing the issue, but he _had_ just played along when Reki had lied, so…

“Look, I was kind of a dick, I think,” Reki said carefully. He frowned. “Even the way I’m talking about it now, I mean… He and I were on different pages. He started talking about… when he could visit again, or whether we could be long distance. I’d never thought of us as anything other than temporary, so I was caught off guard, and… Look, it’s just easier to tell him I’m in a relationship rather than try to explain that I just don’t like him as much as he liked me. It sounds shitty when I say it like that—I really just don’t wanna lead him on or hurt his feelings.”

_Guilt,_ that’s what it was. Reki wasn’t reluctant from embarrassment—it was guilt and discomfort at the admission.

Langa felt something weird tighten in his chest. Something about the way Reki had talked about him and this guy being _temporary._ He tried to push it away, not ready to examine the feeling.

“So…” Langa said slowly. “Am I supposed to keep pretending to be your boyfriend at S tonight?”

He hadn’t meant for it to sound harsh, but Reki shrank a little, hunching his shoulders forward.

“I’m sorry,” Reki said quickly. “I didn’t mean to drag you into it, I swear, I wasn’t thinking. You don’t—”

“It’s okay,” Langa said. He offered a small shrug, glancing away, suddenly feeling a little hesitant himself. “I, um. I can do that. If you need me to.”

Reki paused. “You really don’t mind?”

Langa cleared his throat. “It’s just for tonight, right?”

Reki blinked, and Langa noticed, far from the first time, how big and earnest his eyes were.

“Yeah,” Reki said. “Jules was never that into skating, he’ll probably just come by tonight to say hi to everyone.”

Langa nodded stiffly. “Then… sure. Yeah. I can do it.”

“You’re really sure?” Reki asked, frowning a little.

“Um. I mean… I don’t know how good at it I’ll be,” Langa started slowly. “I’ve never… dated. Before.”

A smile started to grow on Reki’s face. “Seriously? You?”

Langa shrugged. “Why, is that weird?”

“Not at all,” Reki said quickly, putting his hands up. He was grinning, though, and Langa got the distinct feeling he was missing something.

“What,” he said flatly.

Reki shook his head. “Sorry, it’s really not weird, I just… Guess I’m surprised, that’s all.”

“Surprised? Why?” Langa asked.

“Well, you’re so—” Reki cut off, gesturing vaguely at Langa, like that explained anything.

“I’m so what?” Langa said, staring at him.

Reki let out a short laugh. “Come on, don’t make me say it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Langa replied.

Reki shook his head adamantly, gesturing at Langa again. “No. No, I _refuse_ to believe that you’re not aware of… _that.”_

Langa frowned a little. He really couldn’t tell what Reki was getting at, if he was poking fun or something. He crossed his arms, feeling the slightest bit defensive. “I really don’t know what you mean.”

Reki rubbed at the back of his head, messing with his hair and laughing again, looking away. “Geez, you’re serious, aren’t you?”

“Reki.”

Reki shrugged, shooting Langa a smile. “You’re, y’know, _pretty.”_

“Pretty?” Langa echoed. He… didn’t know how to react to that.

“Yeah, all, like, shiny hair and ridiculously blue eyes,” Reki said. “I’d have thought you get asked out constantly.”

“I definitely don’t,” Langa said.

Reki’s eyes widened. “Oh my god. I bet you get asked out _all the time,_ and you just don’t realize it.”

“I do not,” Langa said, inexplicably getting more defensive. And feeling like his face was getting hot.

Reki laughed. “I can so picture it. Oh, the poor string of girls you’ve _definitely_ accidentally rejected without even knowing.”

“That’s not—I haven’t—I don’t—” Langa started to stammer.

“Oh, lighten up,” Reki said, leaning over to nudge Langa’s arm. “I’m sure they all knew that you were just oblivious, not heartless.”

Langa frowned. He finally settled into the seat next to Reki, and now he was the one with his eyes glued to the jammed wheel of his board. “Weren’t you going to fix that?” he said, pointedly.

“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” Reki said with a chuckle. He flexed his hands, turning his focus to the wheel.

Langa watched him expertly tinker with the wheel, removing it and fixing the loose screw that had caused the jam. Langa loved watching Reki work—it never ceased to amaze him how Reki always seemed to know exactly what to do. He could always tell exactly what was wrong, and how to make it better again.

Reki was like that. He fixed things.

Langa tried not to think too much as he sat there, leaning his head into his arms, but there were a lot of _things_ now that were lingering for him. Like the fact that if he was supposed to pretend to be Reki’s boyfriend, even for a night, he had no idea how. And like the fact that Reki had _had_ a boyfriend. And the fact that Reki hadn’t felt strongly about him, hadn’t been serious about it, had thought about him as temporary.

Langa wasn’t sure how he felt. He felt _something._

“So,” he started. “Ex-boyfriend?”

“Mm.” Reki was pretty engrossed what he was doing, but his mouth twitched up like he’d been expecting the question. He kept his eyes on the board.

“I didn’t know you…” Langa tried, trailing off. He looked down at the table.

“Liked guys?” Reki filled in for him.

“Yeah,” Langa said.

“Mhm, I’m bisexual,” Reki said. “What, you thought I was straight?”

“I guess I just… hadn’t thought about it.”

“Yeah, you’ve _definitely_ gotten asked out a bunch of times without realizing it. No doubt.”

“What… what’s that supposed to mean?” Langa said, blinking. He wasn’t sure how they’d gotten back to this.

Reki laughed. “Means you can be kinda clueless, dude,” he said with a shrug.

Langa frowned. “I guess.”

Reki looked over at him and smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure plenty of girls think it’s cute.”

Langa stared at him for a moment. “Just girls?” he said.

Reki’s smile got wider. “Nah, for sure guys, too. I mean, you’re pretty enough to get away with being clueless.”

“Thanks?”

Reki laughed again, which didn’t help clear up whether that was a compliment or not.

“So,” Reki said, handing Langa his board, the wheel repaired. “You gonna hang around here until S? I have some more boards to fix but, like, it’s totally cool if you wanna stick around anyway.”

Langa shifted. “Um. No, I’ve got… some things at home. I’ll pick you up at the usual time?”

Reki smiled. “Sure thing.”

After getting some distance, Langa started actually processing what had happened.

There was a sinking feeling in Langa’s stomach. So Reki had thought of this guy as _temporary._ That’s what he’d said, right? That they’d had an expiration date, whether or not the other guy knew it, and Reki had never been serious about them.

Was that… common, for Reki? Was that how he thought of relationships? Was that how he thought of _friendships?_

Langa knew he was sort of making some anxious leaps here, but he was afraid now that _he_ was just a temporary thing to Reki, too. They really hadn’t known each other all that long, and maybe Reki assumed that Langa would go back to Canada eventually. Maybe they weren’t as close as Langa felt like they were.

Maybe he and Reki were on different _pages._

Langa wasn’t especially accustomed to this kind of insecurity. But then again, he’d never had a friend like Reki before. His friendships in Canada had been more casual—it wasn’t like he’d kept in touch with any of them in the end.

Reki was different.

But what if _he_ wasn’t different to Reki?

He didn’t like the idea that he didn’t mean the same thing to Reki that Reki meant to him.

He wasn’t sure why this was _getting_ to him like this. Really, it shouldn’t have been, it wasn’t even about him. It just felt like it _could_ be about him, and he hadn’t thought about how much he’d hate to lose Reki until it seemed like a possibility.

This was what was still circling through his mind when he walked through his front door, barely registering that he was home.

“Hi! How was your day?” his mom greeted brightly.

“Fine,” Langa said mildly. He took his jacket and shoes off, leaving his board by the front door, and he wandered towards her.

She studied his face for a moment. “I was about to make tea. Would you like some?”

“Sure.”

Langa waited quietly as his mom moved around the kitchen, methodically making the tea. He felt like he wanted to talk to her, but he wasn’t sure what he wanted to say, or how to say it. He felt like he need advice, but he didn’t know what _for._

His mom finished up making the tea and set the cups on the table, smiling as Langa sat down across from her.

“There something on your mind?” his mom asked, in a familiar forced-nonchalant tone.

Langa frowned. “I don’t know.”

“That sounds like a yes, then.”

“Mm.” Langa looked down at his cup. “How can you tell if… you’re on the same _page_ as someone?”

He glanced up in time to watch his mom blink a few times like she was confused.

“Well, typically, the best way to figure that out is communication. Just talk to the person? Tell them where you’re at and see if it matches up with them?” she suggested gently.

Langa sighed. “But what if it doesn’t match up?”

“Well. More communication is the solution there, too. You either figure out how to find the common ground, or you rework expectations.” His mom smiled. “It’ll work out if it’s supposed to.”

“I’m no good at… talking about things,” Langa said slowly.

“You don’t have to be good at it. You just have to try.”

Langa wouldn’t even be sure where to start. He barely knew _why_ he was feeling like this.

Maybe he could figure it out, and then try to talk to Reki.

That night, Langa was all nerves when he went to pick up Reki. He hadn’t been this anxious about hanging out with Reki in ages, but now he wasn’t sure how to act normal. If he’d _ever_ been able to act normal.

Reki ran outside right after Langa texted him, greeting him with a wide smile.

“Hey,” he said, breathless as he hopped onto Langa’s scooter.

It was a warm night, even warmer with Reki pressed up against his back, his arms wrapped around his waist.

Langa kept quiet as they headed to S, focusing on his own breathing. He was hyperaware of his own heartbeat and Reki leaning into him, and he kept thinking about what his mom said about _communicating._

He wasn’t even sure what he was supposed to communicate. How could he explain what he was feeling? He couldn’t even put words to it for himself.

“You’re quiet,” Reki noted, poking Langa’s cheek.

“What was wrong with him?” Langa blurted out.

There was a beat of silence, and Langa wondered where _that_ came from. He’d been wondering it, sure, but he really hadn’t meant to ask. 

“What?” Reki replied.

“Your ex,” Langa clarified. “What was wrong with him that you now have to pretend to be in a relationship with me to avoid him?”

Reki paused. “Nothing was _wrong_ with him. It just didn’t work out.”

“But why not? Why didn’t you like him?”

“Dude, I don’t know, sometimes you just don’t feel it, y’know?”

Langa was quiet for a moment and then he sighed, tightening his grip on the handles as he drove them up to the top of the track. “I _don’t_ really know.”

“Right. Well, trust me. Sometimes it’s no one’s fault or anything, it just… There’s no spark.”

“No spark,” Langa echoed.

“Yeah. Chemistry, right? You either have it or you don’t.”

“But… _he_ thought you had it.”

“What?”

“You said he liked you more than you liked him. So… he felt it, right?”

“I guess so. Which is why this kinda sucks,” Reki said. He leaned further against Langa, resting his chin on Langa’s shoulder, and he sighed. “I mean, how can you just tell someone you straight up don’t feel it? There’s no fixing that, and it’s harsh.”

“So… you pretend to be dating someone else instead,” Langa said.

“You can still back out, dude. I won’t be mad.”

“No, it’s fine,” Langa said firmly. “I can do it.”

He wasn’t sure he could do it. He had no idea how.

Reki’s head was still on Langa’s shoulder as they finally reached the top of the track.

“Oh, uh—” Langa could feel Reki tense up against him.

It only took a moment of glancing around to see what Reki had seen. It was Jules, standing in a semi-circle with some guys from class, talking and laughing.

They weren’t anyone that Langa knew especially well, but he recognized them.

“I didn’t know they’d be here, too,” Reki said. He let out a short sigh. “Should’ve figured they would, if Jules was gonna come, but… Look, you really don’t have to do this.”

“I said it’s fine,” Langa said. He wasn’t really sure what this changed. So a few more people would think he and Reki were dating, that didn’t seem like that big a deal.

“If you’re sure,” Reki said. Really, it sounded like _he_ was the one that wasn’t sure.

He hopped off the scooter and called out a greeting to the guys. Langa followed him over.

For all the time Langa had been spending with Reki, he hadn’t really talked to any of Reki’s _other_ friends. It seemed weird, now, but Langa hadn’t actually taken any notice of it. He wasn’t even sure who Reki spent time with before he moved to town.

Reki seemed to get along with everyone in their class, more or less, but no one else ever came to sit with the two of them during lunch, and no one else stopped by the skate shop, and no one else hung around to listen to Reki talk about skating. Reki never even mentioned any other friends.

Yeah, it felt weird now. Obviously, Reki must have friends beside Langa. How could he not? Reki was great—friendly and kind and smart. Anyone would be lucky to get to spend time with him.

“Hey, guys! Cool to see you here!” Reki called brightly.

“Yeah, totally,” one of the guys said. “It’s been a while, right?”

“How often does this thing even happen?” another one said.

Reki’s smile was a little strained. As he talked causally to the group, Langa mostly watched him, noticing how he seemed different. He was so much more at ease when it was just the two of them.

Maybe that was why Langa hadn’t talked to Reki’s other friends; Reki didn’t seem comfortable with them. Which seemed so odd to Langa—he’d always kind of thought Reki could belong anywhere he wanted to.

“So how long have you two been together?” Jules asked.

Langa turned, realizing the question was directed at him. He glanced at Reki, who looked slightly panicked.

“You guys are together?” one of the guys from class said, and suddenly the attention of the group was on him.

“Uh—” Langa started.

“A month,” Reki said quickly, right as Langa decided to say, “Two weeks.”

Jules let out a small laugh. “So which is it?” he asked.

“Um…” Reki glanced at Langa.

Langa cleared his throat. “It… It depends how you count it?” he said carefully. “Because, well… Reki asked me out a month ago, but I, um. Didn’t realize?”

He wasn’t sure it was the right thing to say, but the guys from class started laughing.

“Oh, dude, of course, that sounds like you.”

“Hey, remember when that girl asked Langa out the first week he was here, and it totally went over his head?”

Langa frowned. “That didn’t happen.”

It was too late, they were talking about it to each other now, about how pretty the girl was and how unfair it was that Langa hadn’t even noticed. At least the conversation had steered away from him and Reki, because Langa still wasn’t sure if he was doing this right.

He was starting to get a little anxious about it, but then he felt Reki’s hand slip into his, squeezing lightly.

“Thanks,” Reki murmured.

“Sure,” Langa said, warmth in his chest. Reki seemed more relaxed. If any part of that was because of him, then Langa was glad he agreed to this.

Reki started to pull his hand away but Langa, without really deciding to, gripped harder.

It was easy to justify. That was what people in relationships did, right? Held hands?

Langa heard Reki let out a soft breath of laughter next to him, and he shifted closer, leaning into Langa a little bit.

“You racing tonight?” one of the guys asked Jules.

Jules shrugged. “I thought about it, since it’s the only night I’ll be here, but I don’t have anyone to go up against. Why, you interested?”

The guy laughed and shook his head. “Nah. I’ll leave _that_ up to the rest of you.”

Jules shot Reki a look. “I _would’ve_ asked if you wanted to, but of course your arm is hurt.”

Reki smiled and gave a self-deprecating shrug. “Still have another week before I’m allowed.”

“Too bad,” Jules said. “It would’ve been fun, for old time’s sake.”

Seeing him again, Langa looked at him with more scrutiny. Was this the kind of person Reki found attractive? Dark hair, dark eyes, ever-present friendly smile?

“I’ll do it,” Langa interjected, without really meaning to.

“You serious?” Reki said, raising an eyebrow at him.

Langa shrugged. “Why not?”

Jules smiled. “Sounds like fun. I’m pretty rusty, to be honest—haven’t skated much at all since Reki taught me.”

And _that_ caused some weird, twisting emotion in Langa’s chest.

_Since Reki taught him._

Langa didn’t mean to be jealous. Really, he didn’t—and it seemed ridiculous that he was. Why should he feel like Reki teaching someone else to skate was something to be upset about? Reki had known Jules first, after all. It didn’t make any sense for this to bother Langa.

But it _did._ It did bother him, because he kept thinking of Reki’s bright smiles and warm encouragement, the way he’d cleaned and bandaged Langa’s cuts and scrapes and promised him it would get easier, and the idea of Reki doing all that with someone _else—_

Langa didn’t like it. Those moments were _theirs,_ and he didn’t want to share them.

The main races, the ones that were a big deal, were later in the night. Those were the ones that everyone gathered to watch, the ones that got broadcast over the monitors, the ones with high stakes and reckless tricks.

In the stretch of time before those started, people had their own casual races using just the first half of the track, not reaching the riskier turns or the abandoned factory. Langa hadn’t ever done one of the shorter warm-up races.

It seemed straightforward enough.

Reki squeezed Langa’s shoulder, and Langa and Jules set up at the top of the hill, marking a tree partway down as the finish line they were working with. The other guys gathered around to watch, with mild interest.

One of the guys counted down, and they were off.

And Jules was right—he was rusty, a little shaky on the board.

Langa felt like it would almost be too easy to win against him.

It didn’t really matter, anyway—it was just a friendly race. And honestly, Langa wasn’t completely sure why he’d volunteered. It wasn’t like it was going to be satisfying to win against someone who, by their own admission, wasn’t very good or very dedicated.

Langa really had to admit to himself that the competitive burn in his chest had, actually, _nothing_ to do with skating, and everything to do with Reki.

Which was stupid, because Jules was just Reki’s ex, and Langa was just Reki’s friend, and why did Langa have to feel so _weird_ about all this, anyway? It was frustrating, and little confusing, and Langa didn’t like it.

They curved around the first wide turn together, just about even. Langa wasn’t trying to go easy on Jules so much as he was trying to figure out why it felt like his chest was tied in knots, like he was itching to win something other than the race and it was slipping through his fingers.

Instead of watching his own board or the ground in front of him, Langa found himself staring at Jules. He wasn’t especially good, but he was graceful, and he looked like he was having fun. With a pained twist in his chest, Langa could imagine what Reki had seen in this guy, and he didn’t _want_ to get it.

He didn’t want to be able to visualize how they would’ve worked together, how it totally made sense that Reki would’ve wanted to teach this guy, who was easy-going and interested and just having fun. It was just like Reki.

Jules was pulling ahead a little bit as Langa was getting distracted by this weird, jealous thread, where he was just persistently imagining how, actually, Jules probably got along _better_ with Reki than he ever did, and Reki probably loved teaching him, and the only reason _he_ was with Reki now instead of Jules was because Jules had moved away and Langa had just moved into town. Nothing but timing and proximity—would Reki have ever talked to Langa if Jules hadn’t left?

He wasn’t even _with_ Reki, not the way Jules had been—

Langa froze. Was that—

Was that why he was feeling like this? Did he _want_ to be with Reki?

Did he have _feelings_ for Reki?

The strange jealousy Langa had been feeling started to click in a way that, unfortunately, made sense.

Also unfortunately, Langa had frozen in this realization on his still-moving skateboard. And the thought had distracted him so much that he didn’t notice the turn until it was too late. And he crashed, tumbling off the board and off the track until he smacked hard into the wall.

“Langa!” Reki’s shout sounded distant.

Langa groaned, trying to twist so he was sitting up, but every movement hurt. He couldn’t actually tell what had happened, where he’d injured himself, because hitting the wall had reverberated through his bones.

“Langa, what the hell happened?” Reki ran over to him and knelt down, his hand hovering just short of touching Langa’s arm.

Langa was suddenly a little bit glad that he was too preoccupied with the pain to dwell on the fact that he knew _exactly_ why he’d gotten distracted and crashed, and there was _no way_ he could just _say that_ to Reki.

He shifted up, wincing, and managed to get to a position where he was leaning back against the wall. He closed his eyes, pretending like the world wasn’t spinning.

“I’m fine,” he said.

“You’re definitely _not_ fine,” Reki said. “That was a seriously bad fall.”

Langa could hear Reki shift closer, and then he felt Reki’s fingers against his forehead, brushing his hair back and out of his face. He went still, his breath getting caught in his throat, because he felt so _warm_ and _soft_ at Reki’s touch, and now _he knew why._

“You’re bleeding,” Reki informed him.

“Oh,” Langa said. “It’s probably nothing.”

“Are you kidding me?” Reki snapped back, his voice frustrated.

Langa finally opened his eyes, seeing Reki’s worried, distressed glare inches away from his face.

Langa clenched his jaw, trying to lean further away until he remembered, oh right, he was literally against a wall, there was nowhere else to go. And Reki was just _there._

Reki let out a sigh. He was still touching Langa’s hair.

“We should get that checked,” he said, his voice low. “Wanna make sure you didn’t get a concussion.”

“Um.”

“Seriously, what happened? You just, like, went _straight_ into the wall. That’s not like you.”

Langa almost laughed. _Straight_ into the wall. There was a gay joke in there somewhere.

Maybe he did have a concussion.

“I’m fine,” Langa said.

Reki looked unimpressed, raising an eyebrow and staring him down.

“That was an easy turn,” Reki said. “You could do that with your eyes closed. Did something happen with the board, was the wheel jammed again?”

Langa swallowed. “No, the board—the board is fine. I just… got distracted.”

Reki tilted his head. “Distracted?”

“Mhm.” Langa’s throat was tightening up and he was finding it hard to breathe. He wondered if his face was starting to get red—it sure felt like it was.

How could he not have realized before? Looking at Reki now, his feelings felt like the most obvious thing in the world. Of course he liked Reki, how could he _not?_ Reki was amazing—passionate and thoughtful and generous. Langa loved watching him work, loved listening to him talk, loved sitting with him in silence.

Langa loved _him._

It was crystal clear, magnetic—he was caught in Reki’s gaze, feeling pinned down by it.

Of course, the fact that he was in too much pain to move was probably also contributing to the _pinned down_ feeling.

Shit, his head hurt.

He winced, automatically bringing his hand up to his temple without thinking. His fingers brushed against Reki’s and Reki pulled back. For a moment, Langa felt like he should just grab Reki’s hand, tell him _right now,_ because the feelings were bubbling up so much that he was almost sure Reki could hear it with every beat of his heart anyway.

He didn’t, because as his fingers brushed his temple, it felt wet, and as he brought his hand down, he saw the blood.

Langa got dizzier. “Oh—oh no, I’m bleeding,” he said, alarmed. He started to lean up and then faltered when he realized his other wrist was pulsing with pain.

Reki steadied him, putting one hand on his shoulder. “Yeah, that’s what I said,” he replied. “And we should really _get it checked._ Can you stand?”

“I don’t know,” Langa said. He wasn’t sure whether he should panic about the blood on his fingers or Reki’s hand on his shoulder, which was ridiculous, because it wasn’t like Reki _hadn’t_ touched his shoulder plenty of times before.

But now it felt different. Now that he knew.

Everything felt different.

Also, everything felt fuzzy, and it was possible that his vision was getting cloudy.

“I might be passing out,” he informed Reki.

“You _what?”_ Reki said.

“It’s probably fine,” Langa said, before everything went black.

_“Langa?”_

He might’ve only been out for thirty seconds because when he managed to get his eyes open again, the only difference was that Jules and a couple of the other guys were standing behind Reki, and Reki was holding his phone.

“Langa? Do you know where you are?” Reki asked.

“At S,” Langa replied. The lights felt too bright and he squeezed his eyes closed.

“Hey, look at me,” Reki said, his voice soft.

Langa forced his eyes open again, and Reki was leaning closer.

“Stay awake, alright?” Reki said. “Shadow’s gonna be here with the car any second.”

“Is he gonna be okay?” one of the guys asked. Langa wasn’t sure which one.

“I think so,” Reki called back to him, not looking away from Langa.

“Your eyes are pretty,” Langa said, because they were, and he was only having one thought at a time.

Reki smiled a little. “Okay, dude,” he said, sounding equally amused and concerned. “C’mon, let’s get you up.”

Langa let himself be pulled up, unsteady as the ground felt like it was shifting underneath him elastically. The edges of his vision were cloudy, blending the colors, and he kept his gaze on Reki. He started to stumble forward again, but Reki caught him, pulling him close to lean against his side.

“I like you,” Langa said, his head tipping down until his face was nearly pressed into Reki’s neck. Reki’s hand was against his waist, grounding him.

He felt Reki laugh. “I think you have a concussion,” he said.

“My head hurts.”

“Yeah, concussions will do that.”

“You’re warm.”

“Hang on, there’s Shadow—”

Langa thought he could hear the car pull up, but it was hard to focus on anything other than leaning on Reki.

A car door slammed, and Shadow’s voice said, “What happened?”

“He crashed into a wall,” Reki said. Reki nudged Langa’s arm and Langa groaned against his neck. “Hey, come on, just let me get you in the car—”

Reki led Langa over to the car, untangling them to slide him into the back seat.

Langa felt like a puppet with its strings cut as Reki let go of him, and he curled over, his head feeling like someone had taken an icepick to it and gotten it jammed there.

He heard Reki say something to the rest of the guys apologetically, and someone replied—

_“No, of course, take care of your boyfriend.”_

Langa curled forward more. Suddenly, hearing himself referred to as _Reki’s boyfriend_ was too much.

Because he _wanted_ that. It wasn’t real, and he wanted it. That fact felt clearer than anything else. 

He heard Reki slide into the car next to him and sigh, closing the door.

“Langa?” he said, touching Langa’s shoulder gently. Langa wasn’t sure whether to shrink away or lean into it. He just kept still.

“Feel like a taxi driver with you two in the back like this,” Shadow muttered as he started the car.

“The hospital isn’t far, right?” Reki asked.

Langa could hear the concern laced into his tone.

Shadow sighed. “Just a few minutes.”

Langa felt Reki move closer, until his knee was up against Langa’s thigh. He rubbed his thumb back and forth on Langa’s shoulder in a comforting gesture.

“Langa? You staying conscious?” Reki asked.

“Mm,” Langa replied.

Reki’s hand moved to Langa’s head, running his fingers through Langa’s hair carefully. Too dizzy and in pain to think better of it, Langa shifted until his head was in Reki’s lap. Reki’s hand stilled for just a moment before he kept petting Langa’s hair back, brushing it away from his forehead.

Reki inhaled sharply. “That looks like it hurts,” he said as he brushed the hair back from where Langa felt like the icepick was still stuck.

“It does hurt,” Langa murmured. He frowned. “Where’s my board?”

“It’s in the trunk,” Reki replied. “That’s what you’re worried about?”

“You made it for me.”

“I’ll have to take a look at it—see if there’s something wrong with it that made you bail like that.”

“The board is fine,” Langa said. “It was me.”

“Because you got distracted?”

“Mm.”

“What distracted you?” Reki asked.

“You,” Langa said automatically. He had the vague sense that he shouldn’t have said it, but he had this floaty feeling that made it hard to focus on what he should or shouldn’t say.

“Me? I wasn’t even racing, I was at the top of the hill.”

“Mm.”

“Langa?”

“Mm.”

“You with me?”

“I want to be.”

“What?”

“We’re here,” Shadow said.

Langa did have a concussion. No broken bones or sprains, though—just a lot of scrapes and bruises.

Langa was feeling clearer as they finally pulled up to his house. Less floaty and fuzzy. He still had a splitting pain in his head, and ached everywhere else, but he didn’t feel like he was going to trip over his own tongue anymore.

It was pure luck that he hadn’t just blurted out _oh, hey, I just realized I’m in love with you and that’s now the only thing I can think about_ to Reki in the midst of all of that.

“Thanks for the ride,” Reki called to Shadow as he helped Langa out of the car and grabbed their boards from the back.

“You don’t want me to drop you at home?” Shadow asked.

“Nah,” Reki replied. “I’m gonna walk Langa inside, and then I can skate home.”

“If you say so,” Shadow replied, before saying his goodbyes and heading off.

“You don’t have to walk me inside,” Langa said, as Reki was already following him.

“Are you serious?” Reki said. “I gotta make sure you don’t fall down the stairs or trip and hit your head on a table corner. I’m walking you all the way to your bedroom.”

Langa frowned. “I’m fine. I won’t do any of that.”

“You crashed into a wall today.”

“I was just distracted.”

“Distracted by _what?”_

Langa glanced away. “Nothing.”

Reki let out a soft laugh. “You’re something else. You can do the most insane tricks, like you’re _crazy_ skilled, and then you also just… crash into a wall in a super basic race.”

Langa shot him a look as he unlocked the door, but Reki just grinned.

True to his word, Reki followed Langa into his room.

Langa half-collapsed onto his bed, letting out a heavy breath. “Ow.”

Reki sat down on the floor next to the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I crashed into a wall,” Langa said dryly.

“That makes sense.”

Langa draped his arm over his eyes in an effort to block out the light. “You don’t have to stay.”

“Can I, though?”

“What?”

“Can I stay?”

Langa peeked an eye out from under his arm to study Reki’s face.

Reki just offered a shrug and a smile.

“Why?” Langa asked.

“To make sure you’re okay.”

“I am.”

Reki sighed, leaning forward to rest his arm against the bed. “Can I stay anyway?”

Langa stared at him.

Part of him wanted to say no. Make some excuses about the pain and wanting to be left alone, tell Reki he’d text him in the morning or something. Because having him here, this close, with that soft look of worry and the sincerity in his gaze…

It was in Langa’s head on loop: _I love you._

The realization made him feel like he was at risk of confessing with each moment he spent with Reki. Because there he was, and Langa could feel his pulse in his wrist as he ached to reach out.

_I love you._

A much larger part of Langa just wanted Reki to stay. Because of _course_ he wanted Reki to stay.

“Okay,” Langa said softly.

Reki broke out in a bright, wide smile, like Langa was offering a gift.

“Cool,” Reki said.

“Cool,” Langa echoed.

Langa felt like there was a tension in the room he could almost see or touch—taut strings between them, ready to snap or pulling them closer.

He didn’t know if Reki could feel it. He wanted to ask.

“You never actually told me what distracted you,” Reki said, holding his gaze.

Was there intensity in his gaze? Was that always how Reki looked at him? Langa couldn’t tell.

“Yeah, I did,” Langa said, his voice coming out scratchier than usual. “You.”

“You _said_ that, but that doesn’t make any sense,” Reki said. “How could I have distracted you? I wasn’t even—”

“I don’t want to be temporary,” Langa blurted out.

Reki blinked, leaning back slightly. His brow furrowed in apparent confusion as he stared at Langa. “What?”

Langa swallowed. He didn’t know exactly how to explain. How to _say_ it. “Us. I don’t want _us_ to be temporary.”

“Langa, what are you talking about?”

Langa finally broke eye contact, looking up at the ceiling. The lights were too bright, and his voice was too loud, and everything still ached. This felt like the wrong time to be doing this, but Langa didn’t know how to bite his tongue.

He’d gotten used to telling Reki about everything that was important to him. That was a hard habit to break, and he was too drained to want to hide anything from his best friend. Even if it felt precarious, even if it felt like too much.

“You said—you and Jules. You said it felt temporary because you always knew he was leaving. I’m not leaving, I’m not moving back to Canada. I’m not going anywhere. We’re not temporary, right?”

“Wh—I don’t—dude, has this really been bothering you?”

Langa paused. “No,” he lied. 

Reki let out a breath of laughter.

Langa frowned. “Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not,” Reki said. He reached over, touching his fingertips lightly to Langa’s forearm. Langa glanced down to meet his gaze, and Reki’s eyes were warm and full of light. “You’re not temporary to me, Langa. I promise.”

“Oh.” Langa felt his shoulders relax. “Good.”

Reki hesitated. He didn’t move his hand. “Was that what was distracting you?”

“I’m in love with you.”

The strings snapped. Langa didn’t mean to say that.

Reki’s eyes got wide—he made a noise like he was about to say something, but no words came.

A silence stretched between them. Langa waited for any regret to start creeping up, but it didn’t. There was just a pit of certainty in his chest. It was true, after all.

“I… what?” Reki said, his voice slightly shaky.

Well. It wasn’t like he was going to take it back.

“I’m in love with you,” Langa repeated.

“How hard did you hit your head?” Reki blurted out, studying Langa’s face like he was actually worried this was somehow a symptom of the concussion.

“The _being in love with you_ thing came before hitting my head,” Langa replied.

“Langa,” Reki said. “What are you talking about?”

Langa frowned, breaking eye contact to look up at the ceiling. He didn’t understand what Reki was confused by. “I honestly don’t know how else to say it. I thought that was pretty clear.”

When the realization had hit him, he hadn’t needed any further examination. The feelings were there—they’d _been_ there. They made sense. It was why he felt warm when Reki smiled, why his eyes were always drawn to him, why he looked for him in every crowd without thinking about it.

Langa wouldn’t have been able to pinpoint any one moment where he’d fallen for Reki. Maybe it had been inevitable—the moment they’d met, there it was, his heart was always going to turn out this way. The dominoes were going to fall here.

What other outcome would even have been possible? It was _Reki._

Of course he loved Reki. It was the easiest, most obvious thing in the world.

“You’re really serious,” Reki said.

Langa blinked. “Well… yeah.”

Reki started laughing helplessly, pressing his forehead against the mattress to hide his face.

Langa leaned up slightly, wincing as he propped himself up on his elbows. “What’s funny?” he asked, frowning.

“I’m sorry, really, just—hold on—” Reki was completely breathless, giggling.

Langa would’ve been worried that Reki was laughing _at_ him, but Reki had wrapped a hand around Langa’s wrist, rubbing his thumb gently like a reassurance.

When Reki finally caught his breath, he looked up at Langa, his cheeks flushed and his smile reaching his eyes.

“I _did_ ask you out,” Reki said, the laughter still in his voice.

Langa stared, uncomprehending. “What?”

“Like, a month ago. You didn’t realize, so I just dropped it.”

“You… _what?”_

“Yeah, when we watched the sunset at the skatepark? I asked you out.”

“I… don’t remember that.”

Reki laughed again, short and slightly giddy. “I _know._ I just figured you were, like, straight or something, and hadn’t even considered me like that, so it didn’t occur to you what I was asking.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Langa asked. He was starting to smile, too—Reki’s giddiness was contagious.

“Because it kinda stung, dude! I didn’t wanna draw attention to it!”

“So, wait—” Langa shifted. “You’ve liked me this whole time?”

“Well, _yeah._ I was trying not to, but I guess those efforts were wasted, huh?” Reki moved his hand from Langa’s wrist, lacing their fingers together.

“Guess so,” Langa breathed out, gazing at Reki with the same awe he’d felt for him since the beginning.

“Wait, can I—” Reki started, moving so he was up on his knees, leaning towards Langa, their eyes locked.

And there was that _pinned down_ feeling again. It had nothing to do with the pain this time. It was all Reki.

“Yeah,” Langa said.

Reki smiled before leaning in all the way, pressing his lips to Langa’s.

Langa leaned into the kiss, feeling his heart melting in his chest. He realized he had no idea how Reki could’ve been able to stand it, knowing his feelings and just _waiting._ Langa barely lasted a couple hours, and it had still been _too long._ The entire world, for that moment, shrank down to the space between them, and all Langa could think about was how lucky he was, how _amazing_ Reki was.

He’d completely forgotten about the pain until Reki’s hand came up to his cheek and brushed against a scrape.

Langa pulled back, half wincing in pain, half laughing, just _happy._

“Sorry,” Reki said, out of breath. He pulled away, studying Langa’s face, his fingers gently tracing around the edges. “You’re gonna have so many bruises tomorrow.”

“It’s your fault,” Langa said.

“What? How is it my fault?”

“I crashed because I realized I was in love with you.”

Reki froze for a moment before devolving into helpless laughter, his face against the bed again as his shoulder shook with it.

“Don’t laugh at me, I’m injured,” Langa complained, but he was laughing, too.

When Reki finally caught his breath, he looked up at Langa again, all affection and joy.

“I really love you, you know that?”

Langa smiled. “I love you, too,” he said, marveled by the sound of it.

There it was— _inevitable._

How could it have been anything else?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find me at official-mermaid on Tumblr, if you like, because the hyperfixation has set in and I just wanna talk about this show.


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